An interview with Co-Dean Larry Hepner
by Michael Garry, 2010

Like his co-dean Joe Greenfield, Larry Hepner is a vibrant and vital contributor to Temple Beth Elohim. From his booming bass voice in the Temple choir to his welcoming handshake at the Oneg Shabbat to his leadership of a group of budding volunteers at the Temple, I have grown to know Larry and marvel at his tireless commitment to making the Temple a better place. When we talk about how the Temple tries to make everyone feel welcome and accepted, Larry is one of the people who truly embodies that concept.

Larry, who grew up and went to school in Northern Ohio, has had a wide-ranging career in education and business. He began his career as an elementary school teacher, teaching first through fourth and sixth grades as well as remedial reading for 11 years. When the PC revolution took off in the late 1970's, he became interested in computers and programming, and eventually left teaching to join Texas Instruments in a sales capacity, which brought him to the Putnam County area in the early 1980s.

During the 1990s, Larry branched out again, getting involved in the international trade show industry through a US-Russian joint venture. During the past decade, he has worked as an art auctioneer and in a contract relationship with a group that helped businesses write to their congressional representatives. He recently signed on as assistant manager at a La-Z-Boy outlet in Danbury. He has been active with the Boy Scouts in New Fairfield, CT., and has been a member of Temple Beth Elohim for almost 25 years, taking on numerous leadership positions. He is currently co-dean, with Joe Greenfield, of the Temple's religious school.

In this interview, Larry discusses how he became an active Temple member and what the Temple means to him.

What was your previous experience with organized religion?

It was pretty limited. Growing up, I didn't have any religion training. My mother died when I was eight and I went to live with my paternal grandparents, and my father helped support me. Then my grandfather died when I was 10. When my grandfather died, I thought, "How can there be a just God if the people that I love are being taken away?" So I became an agnostic, which isn't to say that I didn't believe, just that I had no use for it.

After I married my wife Shirley, we joined a well-known Reform temple in Cleveland. My only involvement there, other than going to High Holiday services, was to serve as an usher. I "ushed" for a year or two. Then we moved to this area.

Shirley's background was Orthodox, so it was important to her to have a Jewish identity and observe the Jewish holidays. That was fine by me. My favorite holiday is Passover; I love Passover. My philosophy was not that there wasn't a God. It was just, what kind of relationship does one have with a God that takes away a mother and a grandfather whom you love dearly?

Shirley was the one who got me back to having a faith-based reason for believing. Not that my wife is super religious but she's very contemplative on things like that. If I'm really going to believe in the holiday spirit and the life cycles in the Jewish year, then I've got to really evaluate it. So I thought long and hard about it and decided that being a little bit more in tune with that made a lot more sense. And when you have children, that changes everything altogether. When a child comes, it's such an unbelievable situation from a miracle standpoint. After a very short period of time, it seemed like that person was always with us, always a part of our life, or a part of our destiny.

So the birth of the kids had more than anything to do my becoming more religious. What is it that sparks a new life? I remember the day my son Logan was born. I was just so excited and so awed that something like that could happen. I don't know how to explain it, but that really creates the idea that there's something bigger than me and bigger than all of us. It wasn't an instantaneous thing, but it changed my life to the point where I was a lot more reverent and a lot more in tune with spiritual things.

How did you end up at this Temple?

Rabbi Acrish named our daughter Leah. He was kind enough, since we were new to the area, to just come over to our house. We joined Temple Beth Elohim because we needed some place we could go for High Holy Days primarily, and any other spiritual or lifecycle needs we might have. When the children started school, that's when more involvement came about.

It's all Joe Greenfield's fault that I'm doing what I'm doing today. Joe was also relatively new and he was part of the Men's Club. One day I took the kids to religious school, and was milling around the parking lot; I didn't really know anybody. Joe came up and introduced himself and we chatted a little bit and he said, "What are you doing next Sunday?" I said probably the same thing I'm doing now, standing in the parking lot. He said the Men's Club needed to move railroad ties, and asked if I would consider helping out. I said sure, why not?

From that point, I met some of the guys in the Men's Club. I went to the next meeting at Green Chimneys, had the lox, bagels, cream cheese. They needed somebody to organize things, like trips to New Haven Ravens minor league ballgames. Being kind of a social guy, I became the social committee chairperson. Then I became vice president, and eventually president of the Men's Club.

I also got involved with and co-chaired the youth group because my kids were getting to be around that age - high school age. I was also involved with Boy Scouts - that's another tie Joe and I have. I was troop committee chairman for four or five years and I'm still involved as an advisor.

As president of the Men's Club, I sat on the board of directors and became financial secretary. I'm not an accountant by any means, but when somebody asks I usually say yes. I later became second and first vice president and eventually president of the Temple. I was president while the new Temple was being built, from 2003 to 2007. Now I'm co-dean with Joe. It's all Joe's fault.

We had a principal, but we felt the Temple needed someone who was here all the time, knew the kids and the staff, and cost a whole lot less. Joe has a master's degree in guidance and I have a master's degree in education, so it was a natural fit. We both have the experience and the credentials. I think it's done a lot of good for the school because we're here most of the time. I've always enjoyed working with kids so it's a natural for me; I get a kick out of it.

Why do you think you got so involved?

If you have a history of volunteering, it's more natural to you. I've always been a volunteer by nature, even in high school at a community center camp. I'd go out on Saturday mornings to the camp and clean the horse stalls and do other labor, so I could earn my way to go to summer camp and work some more. I thought that was great! When I was teaching, I ran the chess club and after-school programs. It was always enjoyable.

Also, throughout my professional career and in Boy Scouts, I was learning leadership skills. If you take that to heart, particularly from the Boy Scouts standpoint - because you're trying to teach boys to stand on their own two feet - you internalize a lot of those concepts.

When people are asked to volunteer and they can't, they'll tell you up front they just can't. But if there's nothing standing in their way, the odds are they'll say yes. So when I was asked, I said yes!

But then you found volunteering at the Temple was something you wanted to continue doing?

What happens is you make good friends, particularly in an institution like this where most people are volunteers. You're making friends with congregants - people who have similar interests. But most important to me are the kids that we bring into the Temple. That's why the youth group is probably the most important thing to me. It's difficult now because of my new job, but I want to get the kids to be comfortable here and also get the parents to continue to be friendly with one another.

If the parents don't make a tie to other parents or other adults in the Temple, then when their kids leave for whatever reason - because they finished bar or bat mitzvah or they finished confirmation or they go off to college - what's going to tie the adults to an organization like this?

It's the ties that you build, either when you volunteer or you involve yourself with youth groups, that help you make connections with other adults. That's one of the reasons why we do what we do. As deans we want to be visible and available to talk to parents and put those associations together. You have to build some kind of anchor here at the Temple by associating with other Temple members.

How did you become involved in the religious side of the Temple?

I became the Chaplain with the Boy Scouts. Part of scout law is that the scout is reverent. So every time we'd go on a campout it was my responsibility to develop that five or ten-minute time to conclude that weekly or monthly campout with something that dealt with the scout being reverent. We had a Conservative family that kept Kosher and whose son was a member of the scout troop. And the parents were concerned about the religious implications of "the scout is reverent." I said I'm Jewish and I'm the chaplain so I don't think you have anything to worry about.

I also got involved with the Temple choir - I love to sing. That was one of my favorite things to do and has a lot of spirituality. I also started spending more time with the Rabbi, exploring topics I was not that conversant in. I love to discuss things; I love to read and learn, particularly current events.

Going back to my kids, if I'm expecting them to live a life that is rewarding and standing on firm ethical ground, then I believe in leading by example. So we came to services. We made a commitment when they were kids that if I was in town, we would go to services on Friday night. Shabbat is part of life. And that's the way we treated it. Instead of just saying that it's part of life, we have to live it. My son grew up to become an Israeli citizen and was in the Israeli army. He's in the U.S. now but he's going back to Israel.

What changes would you like to see at the Temple?

Apart from needing a new roof, we need to reach out to more unaffiliated Jewish families or mixed marriage families. We have something unique here, I believe, in that we all try to create an atmosphere that welcomes everybody who wants to be welcomed. Increasing membership is really going to be a critical thing and that's why I sit on the membership committee.

But once you are a member, it's a two-way street. Everybody has to think hard about how they can become more involved. Even if it's just a first step, like being part of a publicity committee or volunteering in the office or joining the choir, or being in Men's Club or Sisterhood. And if someone reaches out a hand to you, you need to reach your hand out to take that hand--which is exactly what happened to me. You can't predict where that's going to lead. Maybe you only do one thing, but you still build a little group of contacts at the Temple that hopefully will last a lifetime or for as long as you're in the area. So it's not just increasing our membership that is important, but retaining members. My belief is most people leave the Temple because they don't have an anchor to keep them here.

Every organization has its flaws and we're not perfect. But overall, I think it's a great place to have a spiritual home. I'm very satisfied with who we are and what we're trying to be.

What are we trying to be?

We're trying to be a house of worship, a house of learning, a house of gathering, and a social nexus to represent the Jewish community in this area. We want to be open and accepting. We're not trying to be all things to all people but we want to be the Jewish focus for those who want to have a Jewish identity. A house of worship and learning are naturals, and a house of gathering is something that we've done relatively well. We serve such a large, diverse community and being a house of gathering is not like being the shul down the street you can just walk into; people have to want to come.

When there are needs, this becomes a house of gathering. Within a day or two of 9/11, people had a need to be at the synagogue. We had a commemorative service for those who died?we had to open up the walls in the old temple, which we normally didn't have to do. There was a need to have a place to gather in a time of national tragedy. That's another aspect of what house of gathering means. It's a house of gathering for adult education, for social programs and a lot of different things.

How did the Great Debate Society get started?

Six or seven years ago, the rabbi had a sermon about Jews losing their Jewish identity. How do we keep people in a Jewish framework so that their children identify with being Jewish? I said that would make a great debate topic. So another congregant and I decided to start a little discussion society, and I named it the Great Debate Society. We don't have a formal debate contest; it's just a discussion group. The Rabbi loves it, and that's one of the reasons we do it to this day. We come up with a set of proposed topics and we ask people if they would be willing to host a topic. The rabbi hosts a topic; otherwise he doesn't have to prepare anything and he just lends his thoughts. We typically have a group of eight or nine people who come. It's open to everybody. Sometimes people come because of the topic.

Do you see Tikkun Olam as the overarching theme of the Temple?

Tikkun Olam - making the world a better place - is the rabbi's guiding philosophy. How do we do that? Do we take care of the environment? We should. Do we try to be better people to our neighbors? We should. I would call it our guiding philosophy and you can plug it into just about anything, whether it's working with kids or people who have disabilities or congregants or neighbors who have difficulties. Be considerate of others, care for others who are not as fortunate as you may be, and just be constantly thinking about what that means. That's what we try to do to give our youth an idea of what it means to live an ethical life. Healing the world can mean let's have world peace, but we can look at our immediate world and see what we can do as an individual, as a group, as a Temple, as families. That's on the Rabbi's lips all the time: Tikkun Olam. It's what we're all about, and there's a lot of ways to accomplish that.

How has the Temple changed over the past several years?

It got to the point in the old building where we had too many people and we had to go to the high school for High Holy Day services. That's what prompted us to build the new building and come to this point. It's great to see how new people came in and took responsibility for the new building. A lot of times they didn't know they were going to take the responsibility, but their natural skills and their professional experiences put them in a position where they could do good things.

In Bruce Edleson's tenure as president this piece of land we now occupy became available. He and his board secured the property for us. In my term, getting the building up and running and then selling the old piece of property was an accomplishment. Gary Lerman's an accountant, and where we are now with finances, he's the perfect person to be in charge. I'm sure if you asked Gary when he volunteered to chair the finance committee, he would never have said he would be where he is today. But you get in a position where your skills become something that the Temple needs. Another one is the new chair of the finance committee, Geoff Kuperschmidt. He runs a great meeting and he's organized, and that's from his life skills. So seeing these new people come on and take responsibility is the best thing for the Temple. That's very gratifying. It's not like the old guard are the only ones who can do things. Everybody needs to find their niche. When the Temple extends a hand to you, I think you ought to reach and out and take it.

How has the Temple changed your life?

It's been a great place for my kids. I've made a ton of great friends. And I get the biggest kick out of the Rabbi--just having discussions with him. In the past, if we we're in a discussion, and I had a position contrary to the Rabbi's, years ago I never would have said anything. But now I realize that if I state something contrary to the Rabbi's opinion, it's not against the Rabbi, it's just my opinion. So that's been a growing experience. As it turns out, he's a person just like everybody else and I really appreciate that. He's very learned, very smart, but he's approachable. You can sit down and have any kind of conversation you want with him.

I've learned a lot from the Rabbi. If there's anything that has changed me it's been from getting to know the Rabbi better and developing that relationship from a learning, spiritual and friendship standpoint. I count on the Rabbi for a lot of things, and it pleases me to know that he counts on me for a lot of things.